Royal Oak Brewery

The Royal Oak Brewery
215 East Fourth Street
Royal Oak, MI 48067
(248) 544-1141

As far as public houses and biergartens go, this one is not the best atmosphere. But I'll quash the anticipation now by saying up front that I found it wholly acceptable.

Their beers are, well, flavorful to say the least. I'm a beer drinker and can quaff most any stout with gusto, but straight hop extract is a bit too much for me. Still, their light beers... (light beer. I never thought I'd let the words exit my mouth)... their light beers were well balanced and citrusy, with a nice blend of acidy and flavor. Best of all they offer a very reasonably priced sampler that is plenty enough to cause your friend to want to take your keys.

The waitress was exceedingly helpful in describing all the beers, making suggestions, patiently listening to Chris try and order (if you've never eaten out with her you don't know. No, you don't know.), and might have even checked on us once or twice. I don't remember, I was drinking.

Try the India Pale Ale. It's the best.

Burgers were well prepared and predictably burgery. Onion rings were round and light brown. Chris substituted her fries for veggies and was very happy with the arrangement. Even the chips were crispy. Oh, but the salsa sucked.

Here's a fun link to browse before you go.

The Beer Advocate

Overall Rating: Acceptable

Rating Breakdown: Taste-Acceptable, Presentation-Acceptable, Service-Good, Atmosphere-Poor.

Price: 29.98 for two, with the beer sampler, no need for dessert. (But I can't wait to try the fried twinkies next time. Mmmm, twinkies.)

Cameron's Steakhouse

Cameron's Steakhouse - Birmingham
115 Willits Street
Birmingham, MI 48009
(248) 723-1700

We visited this restaurant for our 14th wedding anniversary. Fortunately the beauty of my lovely wife brightened up the atmosphere, and the scent of her perfume tantalized my nostrils and moistened my palate. I hungered for her! The dull roar of the other conversations could not distract my attention from her eyes, and the frowning, non-attentive waitress could not depress my quickly escalating mood. (If you know what I mean.)

But enough of that.

First of all, when you tell the waitress you don't like the crab-cake appetizer (it tasted "fishy"), wouldn't you expect her to at least offer something more satisfactory? Send the manager to check on us? Something?

Second, why must I pay top dollar for a meal, and still be expected to assemble it myself? I don't want to order my sides a-la-carte. I'm paying them to plan my evening pleasure. They're supposed to match my sauces with my spices, my tastes with my textures, my vichyssoise with my victuals.

Third, I can't even agree with my beloved on a bottle of wine, but they expect us to share a single, gi-normous plate of potatoes? Screw the potatoes then. I'll wait for the port for my carbs.

But all that aside, the food was just ok. I mean, really nothing to write home about. I had the filet oscar and my wife had the filet. Preparation was perfect to order, but taste was really rather bland. I expected better for the equivalent of an average American's day's labor. My wife passed on dessert because we just didn't want to pay $12 for another average dish. AND MY WIFE NEVER PASSES ON DESSERT!

Because of the average dining experience and the astronomical price I'm going to give this one:

Overall Rating: Poor

Taste: good, Presentation: poor, Service: acceptable, Atmosphere: acceptable.

Price: $93.07 for two, NO DESSERT, one Mohito that was rather tasty.

D'Amato's

D"Amato's
222 S. Sherman
Royal Oak, MI 48067
(248) 584-7400

If you like cigarettes...
If you like shouting so your waitress can hear you...
If you're under 20 (but have a fake id)...

.........................................You'll LOVE D'Amato's!

Oh my! Am I to get no satisfaction? You have to be drunk to enjoy this restaurant experience, and most people are. This bar has all the elements of fine dining save one... SOUNDPROOFING! I think it may be the large plate-glass windows and plate-glass partitions opposite the windows, and come to think of it, the stone floor doesn't help either, but you will have permanent hearing loss by the time you leave this place. Don't say I didn't warn you. The young-rich-single set will enjoy this place and their martini selection can't be beat.

The waitress did a good job of understanding our order, somehow, and everything was prepared well. I had lemon chicken with artichokes and capers, served with mixed vegetables. The artichokes were well prepared, evenly tender throughout, and the chicken held up to scrutiny. My wife had the filet which was prepared medium, just like she asked, and potatoes and mushrooms that she polished off without even giving me a bite. I'll assume they were acceptable.

The waitress brought us butter for the bread... What is this that you have to ask for butter nowadays? Butter tastes good. Olive oil sucks. Why does every restaurant bring olive oil? Because it is "fashionable..."


Gwendolen. [With elaborate politeness.] Thank you. [Aside.]
Detestable girl! But I require tea!

Cecily. [Sweetly.] Sugar?

Gwendolen. [Superciliously.] No, thank you. Sugar is not
fashionable any more. [Cecily looks angrily at her, takes up the
tongs and puts four lumps of sugar into the cup.]

Cecily. [Severely.] Cake or bread and butter?

Gwendolen. [In a bored manner.] Bread and butter, please. Cake is
rarely seen at the best houses nowadays.

Cecily. [Cuts a very large slice of cake, and puts it on the tray.]
Hand that to Miss Fairfax.

[Merriman does so, and goes out with footman. Gwendolen drinks the
tea and makes a grimace. Puts down cup at once, reaches out her
hand to the bread and butter, looks at it, and finds it is cake.
Rises in indignation.]

Gwendolen. You have filled my tea with lumps of sugar, and though I
asked most distinctly for bread and butter, you have given me cake.
I am known for the gentleness of my disposition, and the
extraordinary sweetness of my nature, but I warn you, Miss Cardew,
you may go too far.

Yes, bread and butter has now gone out of fashion and is rarely seen in the "best" restaurants nowadays. Well, I'll say what's "best" thank you. I don't need Detroit's fashionable Hour Magazine to tell me what I want. I want butter. I WANT BUTTER! But as I said earlier. She brought it. She was pretty good.


Overall Rating: After all that complaining, I have to say it was good.

Taste: excellent, Presentation: good, Service: good, Atmosphere: poor.

Price: $42.38 for two, no dessert.

Monterrey Cantina

Monterrey Cantina
Royal Oak, MI 48067

What do Roberta Flack, BJ Thomas and Barry Manilow have in common? They can all be heard in the background at the Monterrey Cantina mexican restaurant! So the atmosphere starts pretty much south, and I don't mean "of the border". The tile on the floors... Oh my. It's that little tile, the one inch square pieces that you see on the floors and walls of high-school gym showers. Who picked that out? Or was the restaurant a former public bath house or something? Do they still have public bath houses? Do they serve mexican food there?

The food was average. We'll go back just because there is no other mexican restaurant north of Cincinnatti. I salted my tortilla soup and added a slice of lime from Chrissy's fajitas for flavor, after which it wasn't half bad. Tepid, but edible. Chrissy's fajitas were ok, too. Again, nothing to write home about. Everything was plated with the typical mexican restaurant I-could-care-less fashion, and the waitress didn't seem to appreciate working on the Fourth of July because she didn't smile once. I would have been more distracted by the TV's, which are everywhere, but I don't like tennis or baseball, and the tour-de-france was on the screen behind me.

They have sidewalk seating, which I would highly recommend. I rather like sidewalk seating.

Overall Rating: Well, if you sit outside on a nice night... Acceptable.

Taste: acceptable, Presentation: poor, Service: Acceptable, Atmosphere: poor.

Price: $19.59 for two, no dessert.

Grand Azteca Restaurante Mexicano

Grand Azteca Restaurante Mexicano
321 W. 14 Mile Road,
Madison Heights,
(248) 733-9662

See, this is why you can't trust anybody else to give you a fair restaurant review. I pulled this from the Detroit News site. It is reprinted without any permission whatsoever, but since it's total garbage I didn't think they'd mind. Plus nobody actually visits my web site, so it doesn't matter what I put here.

Comments from Molly Abraham
A reclaimed former Denny's has been given the full south-of-the-border treatment - and an eyepopping pink color scheme. The Mexican fare, however, definitely rises above what might be expected. It's served piping hot from the open kitchen on one side by a Spanish-speaking staff, and although amenities are few, knowledgeable patrons just love its fajitas, quesadillas, enchiladas, tamales and tostados, all served with the requisite tortilla chips and two salsas, one of which is a jalapeno, sour cream and ranch dressing mix, the other the typical red salsa. The large menu offers all the expected dishes, along with a few less familiar ones.

Here's my review:

Bleh!

by "amenities" she must mean outlets (see extension chord in window--fire hazard?)



By the way, the salsa was the worst I've ever tasted

Overall Rating: Abysmal

Rating Breakdown: Taste-Abysmal, Presentation-Abysmal, Service-Poor, Atmosphere-Abysmal

Price: Not worth much more than my two cents.

Sangria

Sangria
401S. Lafayette
Royal Oak, MI 48067
(248) 543-1964

Well, they're trying. Obviously somebody wants to share a bit of their heritage or culture and has poured their heart into making a place where locals can experience something different from the mundane. It's like that "fancy" restaurant that every rural town has. You know, the one everybody raves about but then their cousins from DC come in and turn up their nose, because, lets face it, fancy it's not. The interior is put together with love, but not money. The recipes are basic and the ingredients are cheap. The meats we tried, both pork and beef, were poor quality cuts.

The service was adequate, but please go before 6 pm or the salsa dancer will clap your eardrums with her foot-pounding performance and the atmosphere goes south very quicly. If after 6, ask for the table farthest away from the stage.

It was tough to decide between thumbs up or thumbs down because I hate to eliminate the only tapas restaurant I've run into so far, but after careful reflection...

Overall Rating: Poor

Rating Breakdown: Taste-Poor, Presentation-Acceptable, Service-Acceptable, Atmosphere-Poor

Price: 47.70 for two, no dessert but a little bit of alcohol.

The Mint Cafe

The Mint Cafe
215 N. Old Woodward
Birmingham, MI 48009
(248)594-9555

On a breezy Saturday afternoon there's nothing like sitting in the window of a cafe and watching people walk by. Sipping Illy coffee from a delicate cup and saucer just begs you to slow down and enjoy the afternoon. When they brought me the salmon special plated on a beautiful patterned square dish I was tickled... uh... pink. The salmon came with a pesto spread and a flirtatious drizzle of color. Garlic spinach and vegetable medley sides adorned the corners of the dish. The tastes blended nicely and much care went into planning and creating this fare.

I should have spent more time relaxing and people watching. There was no rush, I already had a parking ticket. $7 if you want to know. That bumped the price of my meal significantly, so take advantage of the parking garage less than a block away that gives you the first two hours free.

Overall Rating: Excellent

Rating Breakdown: Taste-Excellent, Presentation-Excellent, Service-Acceptable, Atmosphere-Good.

Price: $18.82 for one (not including ticket).

Outback Steakhouse

Outback Steakhouse
1515 W. 14 Mile Road
Madison Heights, MI 48071
(248) 585-2064

I've always said I hate chain restaurants, so someone please tell me why I keep going to them. The Outback seemed like a good idea as an alternative to spending my life savings on a steak dinner, but I knew better. First of all, the place gets so busy... and who are these people that think nothing of leaning on your booth with their butts hanging over your table while they wait to be seated?

The food was acceptable, but bland. Really nothing to write home about. Yeah, it was steak. Big deal. Here's a list of things that really ruined it for me:

1. The waiter never offered to bring me another beer.
2. We ran out of water.
3. I had to literally stack the plates on the corner of the table to get the waiter to pick them up.
4. From an angle, you could see the footprints in the grease on the floor.
5. Those white diner plates--my #2 pet peeve. (Bad service being #1)
6. No effort whatsoever was made to plate pleasingly.
7. To make it easier on our overworked waiter, I put all the leftovers on one plate, and offered it to him to box for us. He said "I'll be right back," and returned with a container that he dropped off on our table.
8. It didn't pass the "how did it sit" test. I felt bloated and heavy. If that grosses you out, think how I felt.

That's it. I think that's enough. Don't go.

Overall Rating: Poor

Rating Breakdown: Taste-Acceptable, Presentation-Poor, Service-Poor, Atmosphere-Abysmal.

Price: $50.11 for two, no dessert.

Thai on Main

Thai on Main
415 S. Main
Royal Oak, MI 48067
(248) 591-6413

What a little gem among the rough. I'm not particularly favorable to Thai restaurants, as I usually come away diarrheic from the MSG or otherwise sickened from the sight of cockroaches crawling on the wall, but this place might make me start changing my mind. I ordered the satay and Royal Fresh Roll appetizers for my main course, and my wife had drunken noodles, so pretty standard fare. What came, however, was anything but standard.

Large, colorful dishes with interesting garnish and well arranged treats were delivered quickly by our friendly and attentive waitress. The colors and styles of the china were chosen to offset, and highlight, the food, so it appeared appetizing and gave the impression that the kitchen was proud to serve their creations. This is so important to me. I have a finicky stomach that can be curdled at the slightest slip up, so when a restaurant takes care to entice me, woo me if you will, I'm not just flattered, I'm hungry. Shouldn't restaurants want their patrons to be hungry?

The sauces were delicious and the chicken skewers had a hint of crispy breading that set them apart from other dishes and complimented the more mild fresh rolls. The noodles were sweet and well prepared, and tastes blended naturally with each other to make a complete and satisfying overall experience.

Granted, we didn't venture into some of the more exotic dishes. But judging from our little sampler, I wouldn't hesitate to try.

One final note: I've never liked TV's in a restaurant. I find them distracting from my company, and to pay attention to her was a primary reason for going out to eat in the first place. But I couldn't understand a word of these programs, so they didn't bother me too much. (Incidentally, I always love to mimic the actors on foreign language programs and make up my own words. Don't you?)

Overall Rating: Good

Rating Breakdown: Taste-Good, Presentation-Excellent, Service-Good, Atmosphere-Acceptable.

Price: $21 for two, no dessert (no room).

Carrabba's Italian Grill

Carrabba's Italian Grill
43455 W. Oaks Dr.
Novi, MI 48377
(248) 735-0400

I am always amazed at how Carrabba's manages to provide consistently edible fare even though they have more locations than Jiffy-Lube. I'm usually very turned off by this impersonal, corporate approach to the food biz, but this experience was different. Why? The manager came around to ask how our dinner was. Now I remember eating out with my parents when I was young, and as I recall there was never a meal that a manager didn't come by to check on our evening's pleasure. I don't know why spending a little time with the customer has become so difficult for restauranteurs today, but a little check-up goes a long way.

On to the food. I had a simple chicken pizza with pine nuts and three cheeses. It was good. I enjoyed it. Why was that so hard? I sat at the counter and chatted with the cook who prepared my dish, and he wasn't stressed out. He wasn't following some overly-complicated set of instructions. It was simple, easy and good. Now, granted, he didn't exactly know what was in the sauce he used (he called it "special sauce") but it's the end results that matter. The chicken was nicely seared which kept it flavorful. It's the little things that count.

My wife had the crab-cakes that were just somewhat dry. I really love good Baltimore crab-cakes, like the kind you buy in the Broadway market in Fells Point, but unfortunately you can't get those anywhere else. These were too heavy on the onion, too light on the crab, and too dry overall. But not the worst I've had, either. That award goes to Nora's Fish Tales in Jackson Hole, Wyoming, and it's a different review altogether.

My wife really liked our dessert cake with banana pudding and strawberries, and the cook gave us an extra chocolate-covered strawberry and a small side dish of bitter-sweet chocolate for a personal touch. It wasn't my favorite, but I had to admit the cake was moist, which serves as impressive, nowadays.

Most of all, they don't have too many tacky banners, advertisements, and decorations to remind you that you're eating in a chain restaurant. When we get tired of searching for a decent meal, we always know we can go back to Carrabbas. My advice is to sit at the bar overlooking the kitchen. When it gets busy the cooks yell at the servers, which makes for free entertainment.

Overall Rating: Good

Rating Breakdown: Taste-Acceptable, Presentation-Good, Service-Good, Atmosphere-Good.

Price: $31 for two with dessert.

Andiamo Osteria

Andiamo Osteria
129 South Main Street
Royal Oak, MI 48067
(248) 582-9300

OK, maybe it's not totally unbiased that I should start with this restaurant, but I was very clear from the get-go that this is my opinion only, not some sort of scientific study. In brief, this experience was the impetus behind the idea of The Frustrated Gourmet. It looked so good from the street. We didn't know any better--but we do now.

Located in the heart of downtown Royal Oak in a trendy, glass-walled corner building with a dark, romantic atmosphere this restaurant made me ask, "Am I dressed alright?" But of course, I was, because this is downtown Royal Oak and it really doesn't matter how you're dressed anywhere. Just one look at the nose-rings and tattoos sported down the street will reassure you. Not that there's anything wrong with tattoos...

I had mixed emotions when I saw the prices. $20 for sea scallops and pasta? More than I planned on spending tonight, but since you usually get what you pay for I notched my expectations up a bit and looked forwarded to an elegant taste to match the elegant decor. Now some of you are getting skeptical already, but I was optimistic. Upon closer inspection, the decor showed signs of neglect and carelessness. I saw the dim lighting concealed a chipped candle holder, and were those prefab, pre-printed banners hanging from the ceiling? They were! This was a chain restaurant! Oh, the betrayal.

My wife, who is less adventurous than I, had ordered a simple spaghetti and meat sauce to try out this new place. I wished at that moment that I had heeded her example.

First came the soup, or "zuppa" as they called it. (I was starting to see that everything about this restaurant was simply pretense.) The Tuscan Mushroom was too salty and served in a plain white kitchen bowl. The taste and presentation reminded me of a diner, except I wasn't grabbing a quick, cheap lunch in a location convenient to my work--I'm not against such things in general, but not tonight. My wife received her entree and we almost broke out laughing. Her first comment after tasting it was, "So tonight I've learned that if it looks like Chef Boyardee, it tastes like Chef Boyardee." Remember folks, this was before we decided to self-appoint ourselves as food critics! In fairness, the pasta was properly al dente but the sauce was bland, bland, bland. I held out more hope for my scallops because of the interesting mixture of tastes it promised, but again, while the pasta was prepared well, the flavors were just odd. Garlic, peppers, kernel corn and sea scallops lightly breaded in corn-meal all together is not interesting, it's different. And different, as you know, is something you say when you don't have anything better to say.

Scallops are not easy to cook without letting them get tough, but these were cooked perfectly. All this tells me that the cooks are good, the chef who designed these dishes, is not. For the first time in a long time, neither one of us finished our meal. We politely refused any take-away boxes. We did try the creme brulee for desert, and that was decent--after we removed the tart strawberries and some odd sort of jam from the top.

If you want the romantic atmosphere, go after dinner, and just order coffee.

Overall rating: Poor

Rating Breakdown: Taste-Abysmal, Presentation-Poor, Service-Acceptable, Atmosphere-Good.

Price: $47 for two with dessert.