Andiamo Osteria

Andiamo Osteria
129 South Main Street
Royal Oak, MI 48067
(248) 582-9300

OK, maybe it's not totally unbiased that I should start with this restaurant, but I was very clear from the get-go that this is my opinion only, not some sort of scientific study. In brief, this experience was the impetus behind the idea of The Frustrated Gourmet. It looked so good from the street. We didn't know any better--but we do now.

Located in the heart of downtown Royal Oak in a trendy, glass-walled corner building with a dark, romantic atmosphere this restaurant made me ask, "Am I dressed alright?" But of course, I was, because this is downtown Royal Oak and it really doesn't matter how you're dressed anywhere. Just one look at the nose-rings and tattoos sported down the street will reassure you. Not that there's anything wrong with tattoos...

I had mixed emotions when I saw the prices. $20 for sea scallops and pasta? More than I planned on spending tonight, but since you usually get what you pay for I notched my expectations up a bit and looked forwarded to an elegant taste to match the elegant decor. Now some of you are getting skeptical already, but I was optimistic. Upon closer inspection, the decor showed signs of neglect and carelessness. I saw the dim lighting concealed a chipped candle holder, and were those prefab, pre-printed banners hanging from the ceiling? They were! This was a chain restaurant! Oh, the betrayal.

My wife, who is less adventurous than I, had ordered a simple spaghetti and meat sauce to try out this new place. I wished at that moment that I had heeded her example.

First came the soup, or "zuppa" as they called it. (I was starting to see that everything about this restaurant was simply pretense.) The Tuscan Mushroom was too salty and served in a plain white kitchen bowl. The taste and presentation reminded me of a diner, except I wasn't grabbing a quick, cheap lunch in a location convenient to my work--I'm not against such things in general, but not tonight. My wife received her entree and we almost broke out laughing. Her first comment after tasting it was, "So tonight I've learned that if it looks like Chef Boyardee, it tastes like Chef Boyardee." Remember folks, this was before we decided to self-appoint ourselves as food critics! In fairness, the pasta was properly al dente but the sauce was bland, bland, bland. I held out more hope for my scallops because of the interesting mixture of tastes it promised, but again, while the pasta was prepared well, the flavors were just odd. Garlic, peppers, kernel corn and sea scallops lightly breaded in corn-meal all together is not interesting, it's different. And different, as you know, is something you say when you don't have anything better to say.

Scallops are not easy to cook without letting them get tough, but these were cooked perfectly. All this tells me that the cooks are good, the chef who designed these dishes, is not. For the first time in a long time, neither one of us finished our meal. We politely refused any take-away boxes. We did try the creme brulee for desert, and that was decent--after we removed the tart strawberries and some odd sort of jam from the top.

If you want the romantic atmosphere, go after dinner, and just order coffee.

Overall rating: Poor

Rating Breakdown: Taste-Abysmal, Presentation-Poor, Service-Acceptable, Atmosphere-Good.

Price: $47 for two with dessert.